WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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