filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
