We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
