Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Panties = found
Randomize
