I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
