Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
