are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
