Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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