You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
