Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
