my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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