the condom got lost in my hair
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
