I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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