It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
