So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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