i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize