If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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