That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
