The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
