Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
