So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
