Can i not drive my cunt home
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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