I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
