Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
