Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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