they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
