Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
