i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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