Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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