god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
