its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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