my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
