We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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