This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
