Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
