I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
