mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
