it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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