I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
