HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
