What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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