It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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