During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
