the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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