HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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