do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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