Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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