Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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