how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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