rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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