SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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