The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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