He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
