Where are you?
In a non slutty way
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
