My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
