Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
