i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
