her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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