I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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