i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
