I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
