"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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