my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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