Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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